Will I ever feel like I belong?

Hi Ashira.

I was so happy to get your question. It seems like you are a very clever girl and I was really glad to see that you are trying to change your life.

So let's try to figure out your problem:

First, you describe a very complicated situation. On one hand, you describe a new place and language that you still struggle with. On the other hand you describe your frustration about your mom's behavior and your confusion about your brother.

So let me calm you down first. Making Aliya is one of the big life- changing events that someone can get through, especially in a young age like yours. All the people that you meet who made Aliya face with many difficulties. Some people say it loudly and some don't, but it doesn't matter that everyone has some difficulties to deal with.

Every change in life takes time. When you move to a different city or just move to a different school, you usually need to wait some months or even longer for being fine with the change while feeling belong to somewhere can even take years.

However, what can we do meanwhile?

So we can choose to make this process easier or even faster.

1. First, how to struggle with Hebrew?

You didn't tell in your question about your school. Have you ever tried to talk to your teacher and tell her about your issues? I'm sure she will be able to help you with the Hebrew by tutorials, etc.

Another idea, do you read any Hebrew books?

This is the best way for learning language. If you have any favorite English books, go and try find them in Hebrew in the library. It can help you a lot!

2. Second, do you have any good friends? One of the most important things that makes someone feel belong is the company. When you will find one or two good friends, you'll see that you feel much more belong (I'm talking about Israeli friends, not Ameican). You don't really need to say smart things to them. You can talk about the last movie you just watched, a new dress that you just bought etc. Go and hang out together. I know it's a bit tough in the beginning but then it's so much worth it.

3. If you have a youth group in your area, try to go there. Be very enthusiastic about it. It's a great chance to get to know new friends.

4. Try to find chances being with your little brother. You said he has special need, so I assume that he probably needs you and your help. Try make your relationship strong. It will let you enjoy with your family, while having him as your friend.

5. Have you ever told to your older brother how do you feel about his attitude? Unfortunately we usually tend to keep our big problems inside our heart, and sometimes people around us don't even know what we feel about them. Try talk to him, find a good time to do it (snacks always make it work also!) and tell him how you feel. You can tell him that it's not so nice for you and you would really appreciate his will to change it.

6. I got the impression that you enjoy being with kids who have special needs . If so, you can find an organization to go and volunteer in. There is so many places like "Kav LeChayim", "Lehoshit Yad" (it's very similar to "Yachad" in the u.s). There are many teenagers who go to those places, and I'm sure that you will find there great people and you will feel very meaningful.

7. Try find a counselor/teacher/aunt to talk to her. When we share our problems, it always makes us feel much better. You can share with him/her your questions and let them know how you feel about school or family.

8. Last important thing, try to find more people in your situation. Get into Facebook groups of Olim Hadashim that tell their experiences. It might really help you.

I wish you much of luck, and I'm so sure that you will go through all of your challenges.

If you have some unclear things, feel free to talk to us again. We would love to help you.

All the best,

Noa